Every so often, Donald Trump assembles America’s most powerful grovelers at the White House to take turns telling him how great of a job he’s doing while the cameras are rolling. The president held his latest Cabinet meeting on Wednesday, a day after celebrating his first 100 days in office. The grovelers were ready to deliver.
“The biggest reason why we’re here is that this is the 100th day of the most consequential, historic first 100 days in the history of this country,” gushed Lee Zeldin, administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency.
“You’re not just courageous, you’re actually fearless,” added Interior Secretary Doug Burgum.
“Sir, it’s been a momentous 100 days with you at the helm,” said Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, who is presumably working to sort out Trump’s tariff-fueled trade war, which in a matter of weeks has tanked the economy into its first contraction in years.
They’re all lightweights compared to Pam Bondi, the attorney general whose tenure at the top of the Justice Department has been characterized by a never-ending string of cable news appearances, where she gushes about Trump’s agenda like a campaign spokesperson rather than anyone remotely concerned with impartially enforcing the nation’s laws.
She saves her best flattery for these Cabinet meetings. “You were overwhelmingly elected by the biggest majority, and Americans want you to be president because of your agenda,” she said at one earlier this month, while laying out how she has obeyed Trump’s orders to crack down on the “domestic terrorists” vandalizing Teslas.
Bondi took it up a notch while seated across from Trump on Wednesday. “President, your first 100 days has far exceeded that of any other presidency in this country. Ever. Ever. Never seen anything like it. Thank you,” she said.
Even more incredibly, Bondi told Trump that 75 percent of the nation’s population would be dead if not for his leadership.
The attorney general touted that the administration has seized 3,400 kilos of fentanyl since Trump took office, before turning from Trump to face the camera. “Which saved — are you ready for this, media? — 258 million lives. Kids are dying every day because they’re taking this junk, laced with something else. They don’t know what they’re taking. They think they’re buying a Tylenol or an Adderall or an Xanax, and it’s laced with fentanyl dropping dead. No longer, because of you, what you’ve done.”
It’s a very impressive number, especially when considering the population of the United States is around 340 million.
And if you’re wondering why kids are turning to the black market for headache relief, as Bondi suggests, they’re not. She seems to be distorting reports of kids trying to buy the opioid Percocet only to find they’re getting Tylenol laced with fentanyl.
What may be even more impressive than saving the lives of the vast majority of Americans in only 100 days is that Trump seems to have saved over 100 million of them in the past 24 hours alone. “Today is Fentanyl Awareness day,” Bondi wrote Tuesday on X. “In President Trump’s first 100 days we’ve seized over 22 million fentanyl-laced pills, saving over 119 Million lives.”
Opioid overdoses in the United States declined in 2024 for the first time since 2018, with many attributing the drop to the availability of Narcan, a nasal spray that can reverse overdoses. According to a draft budget proposal, Trump and Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s Health and Human Services Department is planning to eliminate a $56 million program that distributes Narcan to health centers, doctors, and elsewhere, and teaches first responders how to administer it.
Apparently the administration can only save so many lives.
